


Half-Light

by ihaveaplan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: (Rey is bad at sticking to rules), Ben Solo AU, Ben is a smartass, F/M, Internal Conflict about Dark Side- Rey, Jedi Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-02-23 18:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihaveaplan/pseuds/ihaveaplan
Summary: The Ben Solo AU that I’ve been itching to write.The republic is gone. This, Ben knew almost immediately. What he also knew was that the Resistance needed a Jedi- or, maybe it was that they believed they needed a Jedi. It’s so easy to confuse those things.He knew how this would play out- they’d send the girl, the one who had stolen (the already stolen) Millennium Falcon, who returned BB-8 to the Resistance, who had faced down General Hux (the ruthless official who was gradually taking over the entire First Order)- yes, she was a perfect candidate. She was promising, like he had once been. But his past was behind him, and now it was her’s to trifle with.(// alternatively, an au where Kylo abandons his Jedi training to be a pilot in an attempt to resist the call of the dark side, and Rey has returned from her training as a Jedi. Both of them are restless, and inevitably so, drawn together.)





	1. Like a String Tugging on Both of their Fingers

“She’s back!” Someone yelled outside Ben’s door, and following it was a clamor of doors swinging open, rushed footsteps- a stampede of pilots leaving their lodgings and running to the hangar.

It took him a moment to process it, but he understood immediately who “she” was. He could feel her presence as soon as she arrived back on the small planet that functioned as the Resistance headquarters. And so, he was not surprised when one particularly enthusiastic pilot banged on his door.

“Ben! Ben come on she’s back!!” Poe Dameron yelled from beyond the industrial steel door. Ben chuckled to himself and waved his hand, a small motion of the force that unlocked the door and sent Poe stumbling in. It took the smaller man all of three seconds to pick himself up, grab Ben by the collar, and begin dragging him out the door. “Ouch- Poe, easy, I’m not going to try to weasel away.” Ben lamented as he grabbed at his collar, in an effort to loosen Poe’s grip.

Of course, he was not met with a response- they were there.

There she was, descending from the ship like some queen adorned with the faith of her people. A humble queen, it would seem. Her robes were not typical Jedi robes, but Ben supposed she was not a typical Jedi. After all, there was no more high council, and the only school for her type was in the most remote part of the Galaxy, run by Ben’s aging Uncle- perhaps the most remote man in the Galaxy. Not many people came to him anymore, which Ben mused was because no one could find him. Coming back to reality, Ben’s eye was caught by something shiny on her side.

A lightsaber.

It was familiar, though, the make of it, the energy it radiated- and then it clicked. This wasn’t her lightsaber, this lightsaber had seen a fall from glory before- this lightsaber belonged to his Grandfather.

Ben carefully plucked Poe’s fingers off of his collar and began to weave through the crowd, to the point where Rey passed, still waving and laughing gracefully as the Resistance members greeted her. As she passed, he fell in step with her. She noticed almost immediately, which he noted as he saw the hair on her arms stand up. She regarded him with a side glance, and then continued walking. 

“Hello.” She said blankly, like a statement rather than a greeting.

“Salutations, doll.” He replied with a very typical Solo refrain. They continued to walk forward in silence for several minutes, and then Ben added,

“That’s not your lightsaber.” 

Rey’s calm strides stuttered for a moment as she reacted, but only for a moment. She did not meet his eyes, likely a strategic move.

“Oh?” She replied. Once again, this was a blank, beaurocatic manner, but now Ben sensed it was intentional.

“No,” he continued, hands in his pockets, and casually glancing around. “That’s my Grandfather’s.” 

With this, she stopped altogether. She turned curtly, regarding him. She looked him over, then meeting his eyes- which fell nearly a foot above hers. “Ben Solo.” She noted quietly. There was no need for her defensive exterior now.

He took a hand out of his pocket, motioning to her. “Rey, Jedi Knight?” He replied presumptuously. She turned and kept walking, ending the conversation. He began to reach toward her, but then he met his mother’s eyes as Rey advanced towards her. 

“Better not.” Her eyes whispered, and Ben dropped his hand.

“General Organa,” Rey regarded her, kissing her hand before returning to her full composure. Leia nodded professionally, “Rey.” 

And then the both of them started laughing, and Leia drew her in for a hug. “I’ve missed you.” 

The resistance fighters cheer, there is merriment, and then it’s night. The shields are up, the base has been cloaked, and a few unfortunate souls patrol the base while others sleep. 

Ben, however, is not asleep. And like a string stretched across the base, tugging on both of their fingers, he can tell that neither is Rey. So, he kicks on his shoes, a vest he inherited from his dad, and stuffs his blaster into its holster, and sneaks out as quietly as he can. He narrowly avoids the patrollers, and stays in the shadows until he reaches her door.

He reaches for the handle, but before he has touched it, it is open and she- dishelved in a way that indicated restless sleep- was standing right in front of him. She simply nods, and gestures for him to enter. He obliges, and the door force closes behind him.

No sooner had it done so when she stated, “I sensed you were coming.”

He cleared his throat, and in the same fashion she had earlier that day replied, “Oh?”

She nods again, pacing. Several minutes pass.

“Why did you abandon your training, Ben Solo?” She demands quietly.


	2. The Real Answer, The Whole Answer

“Why did you abandon your training, Ben Solo?” 

Was Ben expecting this question? Yes. Yes and no. It seemed sometimes like it was all that the people he met wanted to know. And of course, he had a canned answer prepared: It didn’t suit him. When he was feeling somewhat more prolific, he’d say that it wasn’t what he wanted to do. The first was wrong- absolutely wrong. It wasn’t that it didn’t suit him, in fact, it had scared him how well it suited him. And with that in mind, the second answer was correct in a way. If being a jedi would lead him down the path he had seen for him, it wasn’t what he wanted to do. Even at a young and vulnerable age, he knew that.

Coming back to reality, Ben realized that Rey was staring her down with deep intent. He flushed, in a momentary lapse of his solo-swagger. He has to respond though, this isn’t quite the kind of question he can’t beat around. So, he opens his mouth and prays to the maker that the words that come out are the right ones.

“Well… that’s a loaded question.” he manages.

Rey presses, “But can you answer it?” She’s closer now. He doesn’t know when she moved, but she’s closer. Close enough that he can see something in her eyes beyond her strong front- something that’s begging for something- validation, maybe? No, something more. Control, but of what kind he doesn’t know.

Ben sighes. “Do you want the easy answer or the real one?”

Rey replies quickly, “The real answer. The whole answer.”

So, Ben sits down on her bed and tries to mentally gather himself. He looks up at her, almost vulnerably, and tells her, “You might want to sit down for this.”

\---

Ben could remember being a small child. He could remember being his mother’s pride and joy, and he could remember being the Skywalker heir. He was brought up knowing he would one day be a great Jedi Master, like so many before him- his mother had jokingly called him her “Force Prince.” And when it was time for him to leave home and pursue his destiny, he was ready. In truth, he had really wanted to be good. He had wanted to help people, become a protector of all that was good in the galaxy and of those who couldn’t protect themselves- it was his holy duty. 

When he came under his uncle’s tutelage, he really was a prodigy. He took to the force so easily, and he could see in his uncle’s eyes the great pride he felt for him. 

But it was the pride that developed into something more- a want for power, absolute and unquestionable. And gradually, he was more driven to achieve only to gain more power. It consumed him- he read the sacred texts in the middle of the night instead of sleeping, he physically pushed himself to edge, both in training and by do stupid and reckless acts only to manipulate the force to get out of them- it was how he accelerated the development of his abilities- it was remarkable what near-death did for motivation. 

What he hadn’t realized, though, was that the stronger he grew, the easier it was for the devotees of the dark side to find him, and find him they did. Snoke came to him in dreams and first tried to persuade him, then tempt him, then threaten him with destroying everything he loved. At first, Ben had considered going to him, but fear had brought him to his senses. One night when he could no longer take it, he came to his uncle in the middle of the night, a vulnerable and emotionally broken teenager sobbing, looking for solace and safety from the monster that hunted him. But worse than his fear of that monster was the knowledge that he could so easily become that monster- and he confessed this to his uncle.

Luke acted fast, knowing that if he didn’t his other student’s safety could be compromised. He sent Ben to live with his father, who was at any point in time was at any point in the galaxy. If Ben could be nowhere in particular, he was safer than in one specific place. And to ensure Ben’s safety, Ben had to mentally isolate himself from the force until everything calmed down. It would be a test of sheer willpower, but it was what had to be done. In the beginning it was like withdrawal, but time proved to help him. Eventually, he used it in small doses again, but told himself he would only use it as such. Too much would be too tempty, and he had to keep the safety of those around him pivotal.

But after Ben’s escape from him, Snoke made it his ultimate goal to eradicate the Jedi Order for good, through death or conversion. And gradually, the Jedi dwindled more and more- and Ben, though he remained outwardly nonchalant- felt he would never truly live down exposing Snoke to the last of the Jedi. 

\---

“And so… that’s the answer. The whole answer.” Ben finished, feeling far more exposed than he had ever hoped to feel again after the incident. He looked up to meet Rey’s eyes, which bored into his as she tried to process this.

Ben would be lying if he said this situation didn’t make him wildly uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat and stood up, backing away from the bed. “I’m the reason the Jedi are hunted. I’m why you will be the last Jedi.”

As soon as it came out of his mouth, he realized how cynical it sounded. It appeared that Rey took some offence to that.

She stood up too- quite smaller than he was, but had the the force presence of someone much larger. “You think that the Jedi Order will die with me? Do you underestimate me that greatly, Ben Solo?”

Oh, fuck. He backtracked. “No, no that’s not what I meant, I just-”

“Please, what did you mean?” She hissed back. Something in her presence faltered, something had shifted, and now something was out of place. Suddenly, Ben knew what that something was- darkness. He could feel it in her, suppressed and squelched, as he could feel it in himself. With this, he regained some of his composure.

“I know why you called me here.” He said, moving in closer to her.

She evidently was pushed back, but still replied with annoyance, “And why would that be, Solo?”

“Because,” he stated, “You knew that already- my uncle probably told you, warning you about the call of the dark side. But you wanted to hear it from me, because you feel the call, too.”

Rey did not respond.

“Is that why you still have that lightsaber? Did you know it was mine before yours? And my grandfather who wielded it went to the dark side, and I did, and now you’re scared that you will too.”

Silence.

“Then why haven’t you destroyed it?”

She clutched her hand around the hilt of the lightsaber, and looked up at him. She dropped it in his hand and replied, “Because I want you to help me destroy it. But I need the kyber crystal to build a new one. I need to destroy this for what it is and start new with it.”

She looked him in the eyes with fiery determination. “I need to be better. I will be better. I need to destroy Snoke.” 

Ben liked this side of her. His smirk returned.

“Okay then, doll. Let’s destroy it. It’ll be fun.”

She didn't quite grasp what was supposed to be “fun” about destroying the Skywalker lightsaber, but he had force-opened her door and was whistling down the hall before she had a chance to press on. 

As Ben walked further away, he felt the elastic pull. The pull of the force shoving them together- slight, gentle, but persistent. He had a feeling it was going to be trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the literal 6 month gap between chapters, but I hope the update was worth it :)


	3. You Came From a Pasture of Wealth and Comfort; I Came From Nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a distressing dream. Rey is enigmatic. They go for a *real* fun patrol ride.

Ben’s dream began like this: He stood in beautiful, flowered meadow with a feeling of peace that loomed in it. He knelt down to touch the flowers- they were soft and welcoming, made of a color that was both no color and every all at once. It seemed to be constantly changing, but he never saw it change, he only knew that it had. He looked up again, and saw Rey standing at the edge of the meadow, overlooking a cliff which he swore hadn’t been there when he first looked up. Then again, neither had she. 

She looked over her shoulder back at him, and there was something in her eyes that looked like pleading. He was transfixed, and sho she needn’t plead, as he was bound to come anyway. As he approached further, he felt his heart swell in an odd and vulnerable way. She took his hand as he arrived beside her, and all felt well. Then she spoke.

“You came from a pasture of wealth and comfort. I came from nothing.” 

He looks to her, and she’s suddenly different. Her hair is longer, she isn’t wearing her jedi robes- rather, she’s wearing one of his shirts. She takes his other hand, and murmurs earnestly, “You matter to me, Ben. You’re my other half.” 

He flushed, but before he could respond, she’s kissing him and he’s holding her. He feels like he’s been injected with some kind of drug, because every part of him is screaming, “I love you, I love you!” He pulls away, and she’s changed again. There’s tears running down her face.

“Why? Why, Ben?” She demands, holding his hand against her cheek. He blinks, trying to focus, and when he comes back, she’s a fury. In the reflection of her eyes, he sees raveging flames. 

“What did you THINK was going to happen, Ben? This is my destiny, I can’t run from it anymore. You were foolish and stupid for avoiding it.” And with that, she impales him with her lightsaber, and shoves him off of the cliff.

\---

Ben awoke in a cold sweat, still wearing his clothes from the midnight encounter of the previous night. It’s still early, but the light of dawn is starting to creep through his window. He groans, and rolls out of bed. He stares at the floor, trying to process the dream that was quickly fleeting from his memory. He had felt so many emotions, from love like he had never felt before- violent and firey love, the kind that’s too powerful to be sustained- to grief, that overwhelms and debilitates. 

He ran his hand through his shaggy hair and caught his reflection. He looked every bit as distressed and exhausted as he felt. He gave a sigh, and attempted to muster his best “I-didn’t-just-possibly-prophesize-my-own-death” face- whatever that looks like.  
He grabbed an indigo colored fruit while passing through the common area, before grabbing a second one as he decided to seek out The Resistance’s brand-new Jedi Knight. As an act of testing the elastic feeling he had to her, he let the force guide him to her. She was sitting on a rocky ledge near the end of the base grounds, presumably meditating. She winced slightly from her focus as he approached, which Ben took note of- she probably felt his presence. 

She turned around sharply, casting a harsh look behind her, but softening when she saw him. Se raised an eyebrow. “Ben Solo.” she acknowledged, regarding him and his lanky frame.

He cleared his throat, and offered her the fruit. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?” 

She moved the fruit into her palm by means of the force and nodded, but not until after a short but clear moment of hesitation. “Um, yes. I suppose it was well enough.” she replied, before taking a quick bite out of the fruit, eager to but out of the question. “And yourself?” she asked.

He offered an empty, “Oh yeah, sure. Great.”

They awkwardly held the stare for a good 30 seconds, before Ben’s communication device rang. He answered it, to find it was his mother. “Hey mom- yes, I’m awake… yes, and as a matter of fact, I am outside… talking to the new Jedi, why? Mom, that’s ridiculous… okay. Okay, yes, I can do that.” He clicked the device shut and rolled his eyes. Absentmindedly, he quipped, “Parents, right?” and cringed as soon as he remembered Rey was an orphan. She simply blinked back at him and changed the subject. “What did she say?”

“She thinks I should take you on patrol. It’d be nice for you to get acclimated.” 

“Right, then.” She replied, and got off of her rocky perch and continued right passed him. “I’ll be seeing you, then.” Surely by some mistake, she brushes against him as she walks by. He can faintly smell her scent, and he’s reminded of her in the dreamscape flowers. He can almost feel the dream somewhere, just outside of his reach. It plays again, and he realizes her scent is the same that it is when he rakes in a raspy breath, leaning over as she withdraws her lightsaber from his stomach. It’s the last thing he can smell as she leaves him falling, his eyesight going red and everything fading away.

\---

Once they’re up and out of the atmosphere, Rey is glued to the ship’s windows. There’s a look of complete wonder on her face, that makes Ben crack a small smile. It reminds him of being a kid on the Millenium Falcon. 

“Never gets old, does it?” He says to her, returning his eyes to the space before him. 

Caught off guard, she replies, “Huh?”, her eyes still fixed on the passing systems. 

He smiles. “Space. The ships. The infinite horizon?” he offers, emphasizing the “infinite.”

She nods, letting out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I just… well, if you told seventeen year old me that in four years I’d be light years away from Jakku… and a Jedi? I would have laughed in your face. And probably taken your currency purse, if you were so out of your mind that you thought that.” 

They both laugh. A bit of the tension has passed now, and they’re both content to just be near each other. The elastic feeling is definitely there, but it’s not pulling on them- it feels easy to just be close. Maybe that was the point- that the force was shoving him towards her for a reason. He lets himself get lost in that thought for a minute before he remembers his dream.

All color washes from his face as he remembers his fleeting consciousness at the end of the dream. He tries to shake the thought as best as he can- to no real avail. He clears his throat- 

“So, why do you want to… “start a new” with my family’s lightsaber?” He says evidently shaken by his earlier thought, but trying to mask it.

“Oh. Well, I need the kyber crystal. They’re rare, and i don’t really have time to waste.” She replies, nonchalant after their late night confrontation. He groans internally- of course. Was this how it started? A bad seed for her whole Jedi career? 

“But isn’t patience a virtue?” He offers. She scoffs. “Ben Solo, asking me about virtue?”

“Hey! Low blow.” He shoots back, eyes still fixed ahead of them. 

“Oh?” She says, this time with an almost inviting edge to her voice. He shifts his gaze slightly and meets her’s for a quick second. His eyebrows are furrowed, confused but intrigued, and still a tad frustrated. Her’s are exploring, an eyebrow raised, head slightly cocked to the side. 

In this moment, something between them shifts. He thinks- and she thinks- and they probably both know (whether they realize it or not) that the other feels this shift exactly the same- exactly at the same time, feeling the same way. For a millisecond, hearts pound, cheeks flush, and they both snap back to what they’re doing.

Ben clears his throat yet again, and continues: “Look, what I’m saying is, you are one of the last of an admittedly endangered “species,” is it really wise to base your weapon, a manifestation of YOUR power, on my grandfather?” 

She begins, “It wasn’t just his lightsaber, it was-” and Ben cuts her off out of frustration. “Yeah, my uncle’s too. But for what, to months? Then he was smart and built his own. He didn't even know granddad was off blowing up planets, but it’s got an energy, a bad energy.”

Now she’s annoyed. “I’m sorry, Mister family lineage, but do you have a better solution? The FIRST ORDER is up our collective ass and we don’t really have time for the luxuries of the old Jedi Order.”

He fires back, “LOOK Rey, the Force will give you a kyber crystal when you’re ready. That’s the way it’s supposed to be- that’s why there’s so few of them and they grow anywhere! It’s not a process you can rush.”

They sit in angry, frustrated silence, with Ben white-knuckling the controls, until he leans in with horror in his tone. “Oh… fuck.”

Rey glares at him. “What, Solo?” 

He replies, staring up above them with wide eyes. “That’s a First Order cruiser.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! So, this was the first chapter, and if you were curious about the title, this story was in part inspired by this song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l3ipAOAUFoI  
> (Half Light, by Banners)


End file.
